


11 - Sadness

by MemoriesOfVoxei



Series: 100 Themes Challenge [12]
Category: One Piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 00:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1623224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MemoriesOfVoxei/pseuds/MemoriesOfVoxei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death has always been hard to the ones left behind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	11 - Sadness

**Author's Note:**

> So, yes, I KNOW, the information in this fic is NOT true! You'll see when you'll read it...

This had been such a tragedy for the young pirate captain. He had went through Hell, he battled every admirals, the Shichibukai, he fought in a war against the Marines, was even able to deliver his beloved brother from his chains, from his death, only in the end to see it all backfired at him. In a small moment of weakness, his brother lost his life to protect him. His brother, the one he had sacrificed so much to save, ended up dying.

However, that young pirate captain was right there, willing to learn whatever I had to teach him, because to him the past was the past, and he didn't want to live this moment in regrets. He had a goal more important than to mourn. He had friends to protect, and a dream to achieve. A difficult one at that. And he was ready to throw his regrets away for that, because he had to. He had to be strong for those who followed him and depended on him. He had already overcome the obstacle that was his sadness. He had already mourn for him. Now, he had to go forward.

That's why I gave my all to teach him all I had to teach him. At first, he had a hard time to keep up with whatever I was showing him, but it didn't take him to long to adapt to it. In fact, he was a pretty fast learner. When I told him, he had started bouncing everywhere, overjoyed to know of his progress and to know that he'd definitely be a lot stronger the next time he meets up with his nakama. He even took my lessons as games, and he had much fun to learn.

But I knew better. I knew the circles under his eyes becoming darker and darker every day. I knew they came from sleepless nights, diving in a sea of emptiness. I knew the happy smiled he showed came from a powerful dream that kept him from sinking into nothingness. I knew that dream was overtaking his being at day, but letting him fall alone at night. I knew the determination in his eyes was not to become stronger for his friends, but to stay in his imaginary world. I knew all of that because I went through it myself, years ago, when my family succumbed to the spears of justice. And I knew that if it kept up, Luffy would eventually destroy himself, like I almost did, and I didn't want his story to end that way. That boy looked a lot like like Roger in many ways, and I wanted him to live fully, not in denial.

That night, much to my relief, the boy tried to sleep. And he fell asleep. His breathing was even and his face held absolute peace, but deep inside I knew it was temporary. Either that would disappear when he waked up in the morning or... He gasped. He started to frown, and his mouth opened in a silent scream. Or... he'd wake up to a nightmare of that day. And he did. He woke up, sitting up straight in his temporary leaves bed, cold sweat lingering on his body and choking for air. Yes, he was choking, panic clear in his eyes, and I could do nothing to help him. I tried to calm calm him, rubbing comforting circles on his back, shushing him with soft words, but his panic only grew, and that's when I noticed he had not woken up yet. He was still caught in his nightmare, and I had to pull him away from there before anything bad happens. I called out to him, I shook him up, I pinched his nose, I slapped him, all in an attempt to wake him up, but to no avail. In the end, he only fell back down, exhausted, and he did not went back into dreamland. He most likely fell unconscious from the lack of oxygen.

The next morning, he looked even worse than before. Not only did he still have the dark circles under his eyes, but he also had no energy left. He was easily loosing his concentration during my lessons and he was weak. So terribly weak, it felt wrong. That boy was not supposed to be like this, he was not meant to live that way. He was slowly killing himself in his denial.

"Luffy" I started as he slumped down his back against a huge tree. "This has gone long enough." He fainted ignorance, lifting his eyebrow questioningly. "Your brother is dead." He simply frowned at me, his onyx eyes looking deep within my own, as if searching for the real meaning behind those words. There was none.

"I know that already." He said firmly, giving me one of his usual fantasy-lived smile. This was wrong. He shouldn't suppress his feelings like that. I crouched in front of him, hiding the moonlight from his fake grin, and enveloping his slim body within my arms. He tensed a bit and held his breath, as if fearing to simply let go.

"It's okay, Luffy. You can let it go." He silently breathed in, wondering if he should just ignore the words, before finally answering.

"There's nothing to let go of." His voice was still firm, but I could sense his frame starting to shake slightly, not because he was crying, but because he was scared. "Besides, I have to get stronger." And I knew he wasn't talking about his fighting skills. I shook my head in disapproval, pushing him away to arms length.

"You're only hurting yourself that way. What do you want to prove? To whom? You're living in a fantasy, Luffy. Your brother is dead, you have to accept it." His eyes widened without his consent, and his fear took over him. His lower lip quivered even though he was biting it in n attempt to stop the unwanted movement.

"I know that already!" His voice gained in volume, and his body trembled a lot more beneath my hands. "I don't have time for this! I have to go back to my nakama! They need me, and I can't let myself be brought down by something useless such as these feelings!" He yelled desperately, his hands clenching at his sides while his fear transformed into anger. "I don't want to be a burden to them..." That first whisper meant the beginning of a new feeling, although not completely novel.

"Luffy, you'll just be even more of a burden to them if you can't let go." I pushed him toward the limits of the much feared feeling. I pulled him in another hug, holding his head on my shoulder with a hand while the other held his back near me. "You can cry, Luffy. You have to cry. Crying is not an act of weakness. It only means you endured great difficulties, but it also meant that you lived through them. It will make you stronger than ever, because I know you will learn from that experience, and make sure that it will never happen again, be it to you, or even to one of those precious crew members of yours. I know you won't let your family suffer the same things you lived through." I heard him release a breath he was holding in for a long time, longer than it possibly could. He knew I was right, and hearing me tell all of this must have felt like a weight removed from his shoulders. "If you just hold it all in, it will forever bring you down with it." His hands timidly grasped the fabric of my shirt, and his forehead fell heavily on my shoulder. "So, just let it go." And he did. He buried his face on my chest, holding my clothes like it was his last means of survival, and broke down into sobs. His tears were flowing freely down his cheeks, sniffling only once in a while, and he cried desperately while his voice drifted away with the wind. It was silent. He was mourning for his dead brother, for their unkept promises, for their lost childhood memories. He was crying, not because he was angry at the executor, nor because he was relieved to have found his new light, nor because he felt regrets for failing to save him. He cried because he had lost his second brother, the one he had such a deep and tight bound with. He cried because he would never spend more time with him, like he was supposed to. He cried because the last time he saw him he thought it wouldn't be the last. He only cried because he was sad. Right now, at this very instant, Monkey D. Luffy, the captain of the Strawhat Pirates, the man who vowed to become the Pirate King, was only just who he really was: a lonely orphan mourning for his dead last family member. He was just a child, at I could only feel one thing as I pulled him closer, holding him tighter, a hand on his head and the other rubbing circles on his back. I could only feel one thing as I tried to comfort the one who'll become my family's successor. I could only feel one things as I thought about the man who had changed the world even after his death. I could only feel one thing as my body started to shake as much as the one I was holding, and as tears started to spill from my clenched eyes without my consent.

I couldn't deny the sadness in my heart any longer. That night, I cried, just like the child in my arms, for the heavy feeling of sadness that had weight me down for so many years. And it was such a deliverance.

I always wanted to say that. Luffy, maybe you lost many friends in that fight, maybe you sacrificed a lot of things, maybe you lost your brother that day, maybe you lost numerous fights and maybe you came back from there hurt, pained, broken, on the verge of death, regretful, and sad. But, you were able to bring people together. You were able to survive all of this, and you were able to change something. I always wanted to tell you that.

Luffy, thank you for saving me.

**Author's Note:**

> As you noticed, I made a mistake while creating this fic; Rayleigh DID mourn Roger's death, as is mentioned in the anime... I just had completely forgotten... so sorry about that...


End file.
